speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
