i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is Oprah even human
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
