don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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