he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
