a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
