Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
