I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
