I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
