i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I checked into jail on foursquare
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
