you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
