I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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