Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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