Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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