it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
