who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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