my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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