why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
