I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
