Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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