he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
