I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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