She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
