Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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