More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A bitchslap is in order.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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