They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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