roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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