I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He passed out mid-signature
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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