It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
