I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
