You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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