so that wasnt chicken after all
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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