I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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