I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
