I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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