You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
