You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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