i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
