dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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