Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
