he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
