her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
