clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
