Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
