i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
