rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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