Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
