I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
