man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
