i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize