The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
