Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think your dad took our porno
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
