Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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