BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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