omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize