I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
