I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
