i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
