i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
