Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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