he thought i was a dude.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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