Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
