I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize