I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
