just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
