I'm drive I can fine osifer
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize