oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
