she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
