he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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