You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
