Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
