; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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