The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
