and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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