she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
