She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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