I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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